Punk Ass: Biker, Zen Stress Monkey <$BlogRSDURL$>
Punk Ass: Biker, Zen Stress Monkey
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
  G to the M to the G y'all...
Yeee f'in Haw!!! This past Saturday and Sunday I rode with the Clones (in our spiffy new jerseys..see new Punk Ass Pics) in the 20th annual Great Mass Getaway. A 175 mile ride for the National MS Society. What an absolutely great ride !! Saturday we started off with my sweetie, Dizzy D, helping me get my gear up and giving me a ride to the start (Thank You!!!)The event began at Squantum Point in Quincy MA. , then we rode 102 miles to the Mass Maritime Academy on Buzzards Bay. Not only did we ride the 102 miles, but we averaged 18.1 MPH for the first 60 miles and 17.5 MPH over all !! This was the fastest century I've ever done. I honestly didn't think I had it in me. What really made the difference is we all took turns pulling and it really paid off. Also let me give mad props to Buzz and the Geepster for completing their first centuries! Huzzah!!! The only down side to day 1 was at around mile 93, the last real climb of the day, just TOTALLY dropped me; after that, I was pretty much done. I did however have just a little left in me for a sprint to the finish line up the driveway of the academy. Actually, come to think of it, there were two down sides to day 1; the second and far more amusing thing is that around mile 68, I could be heard uttering the words " Um hey guys...what does it mean when your nipples are really sore?". This then invoked the ancient tradition, the "Wearing of the Band Aides".

The MS Society took great care of us at the MMA there was plenty of yummy food type stuff and live music provide by Lucky 57 and Grey Star Morning who both totally rocked and were booked by one of our new Clones, the awesome and talented Kelly Davidson; photographer extraordinaire.

Speaking of new Clones we have TWO new additions to the team; Kelly (tentatively Look-at-my-Ass) and Sarah, who both TOTALLY ROCKED out on the road and who we are proud to have on the team!! You guys are hard core!!!

Day Two went equally as well. It started at 4 AM with the lilting tones of John "The Crooner" Siemiatkoski wafting over the intercom system "It's time to Rise and Shine happy campers!"

I made sure I lubed up in all of the right places to avoid having to repeat that ancient ritual :) The ride set off at 6:30 with a beautiful stretch into the rising sun, then a breath taking view of the Cape Cod canal from the Bourne Bridge (which I had no problem riding over....Me + heights = AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!). The route then took us 76 miles all the way out to the finish in Provincetown. (a side note....the unanimous decision is "Yes Kelly..you did in fact rock the shorts; keep buying smalls :) ) Ahem, anyway, some great pulling out there by Wise Ass, GP Ass and The Mysterious Ass Master-san.

Thanks to the Clones for making this a great ride for me and thanks to John Siemiatkoski for once again pulling together a superb event.

Now go look at those Pics!!

Monday, June 21, 2004
  Just Ginormous
Saturday's ride rocked!! The Clones hosted a training ride for the National MS Society this past Saturday open to anyone who is participating in the Great Mass Getaway this Saturday and Sunday. About 8 people showed up; not a huge group considering that almost 1,200 rider will be doing the GMG, but that's quite all right. We did a 57 mile route through central Mass with plenty of nice long stretches where we could cruise along at 20+ MPH, plus enough good climbs to keep us on our toes. Thanks to all who participated and Ginormous thanks to Joe and Kathy for going out and marking the route and hosting the feeding frenzy afterwards.

Since Buzz has been drinking Accelerade for about a month or so and really seemes to like it, I thought I'd give it a try. I gotta say I was impressed. I defiantly seemed to have a little more energy than usual. I've also heard that Crank Sports E-Fuel is pretty good but can't find any locally. So, Anyone out there in bicycle land have a preference in rehydration??

Plus as an added bonus, the new team jerseys have arrived!! The mighty Ass Master and Buzz did a stupendous job on the design. I'll make sure to get some pictures up early next week.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
  Final Fantasy
I went to a local bike shop yesterday to pick up some Power Gel and got a very pleasant surprise; they had just got in one of my dream bikes - a shiny new Cannondale Six 13 ! What a beautiful machine! I'd really love to take one of these out to see how the carbon fiber tubes change the road feel from the standard Optimo aluminum alloy frame. Getting to check one of these out in person made me feel a little less sad about having to put off purchasing a new bike.
Monday, June 07, 2004
  We'll All Float On......
So I got home from work today and the weather was perfect for ride. I got my gear up and off I went. I don't know about you, but I get sick of doing the same couple of routes over and over. To keep things fresh, I thought I'd take some roads I've never traveled on or at least haven't traveled in some time. I figured I'd do a nice loop up Rte.110 through Methuen to Haverhill then back down Rte. 125 through Bradford and North Andover. BIG MISTAKE! I can not begin to describe just how bad the condition of these roads is. I spent so much time dodging pot holes and road debris, it felt more like I was cycling through some post apocalyptic wasteland than a main road in suburbia. I guess I shoulda brought my cyclocross bike instead of my road bike. Is it really asking too much for the local DPW to keep the streets clean and the holes filled in? I mean I'm not asking for laser smooth pavement; just not the lunar surface. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find a crowbar to pry my prostate out of my esophagus.....

PS: If you're ever cycling through the Merrimac valley in Massachusetts, avoid Lawrence like the plague...this city smells really bad.....
Thursday, June 03, 2004
  A Tale of Two Cheeks
It always comes back to the ass. No, really, it's true. During any given conversation, if something is said about someone's ass, that conversation will continually return to something ass related. Next time you're with some friends or at a boring meeting, try this out.

So how did this whole ass thing start? Well, it goes a little something like-a- this.....Last August, the Clones did a ride for the MS Society that started in Concord NH, overnighted at New England College in Heneker, then back to Concord the next day(about 150 miles total). So at breakfast on the second day, Bob made yet another snarky comment to Jen about something she had said and I followed suite (he and I had been doing this for pretty much most of the trip; of course, all of this was in good fun). So she turns to him and says "you've always got something to say don't you?! You're such a wise ass!" I just started snickering at this, to which I received the business end of a pointing finger and "and you..you're just a little punk ass!" Joe then pipes up "I want an ass name too!!" Well he didn't like dumb ass and the name needed to be something appropriate to his character. So, since he started the Clones tradition of sharing a few frosty pints of Guinness after a long ride, he became Guin-Ass (there was early talk of strapping a pint to each cheek and doing ass funnels, but that has yet to actually happen....maybe that's a good thing:) ).Now of course since he's team captain he couldn't be just plain ol' Guin Ass so he was pronounced Ass Master Guin Ass. Then there's Rachel who has a love of all things caffeinated, thus Buzz Ass. Eric's name came easily; since he has a way cool GPS on his bike, he became GP Ass. Meng, who always seemed to end up wearing something red became Red Ass. Jen who started it all was dubbed Princass (pronounced Prince Ass of course).

So kids, that's the story of how a small subset of the Rolling Clones became Team A :) It always comes back to the ass......
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
I did a 40 mile training ride this past Saturday with the Clones and for the first time this season, I really felt like I was on my game! This actually makes no sense to me since I got very little sleep on the two previous nights and woke up feeling like succubus had managed to run off with half my vital essence. Go figure. I really wish I knew if there was some rhyme or reason for my energy levels...Oh well.

So I started (pant, pant) working on my (gasp) faster spinning climbing; once I get my aerobic base built up a little more I think it's gonna work out ok....we'll see...

Wise words from Ass Master Guinass: If you get hit by a cloud of dirt from a passing truck and need to spit while riding into a stiff head wind, make sure there's no one in the paceline directly behind you....
Thoughts, and Stupid Life Adventures of a Punk Ass Bicyclist , Bass Player, and Gear Head . "Remember, It always comes back to the Ass...."

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