Whatever

This weekend I saw this chick with gobs of "look at me aren't I special" 'tude driving a BMW with the license plate " FNLNS". I'm a firm believer in "if you can't spell it out, don't make a license plate out of it". Know why? Because I'm willing to bet that I'm not the only one who read this plate as "Fine Lines". So what... You're aging, have crows feet and you have the need to advertise that? Ummm..Go exfoliate and shut up please. Or possibly your a low budget coke whore? Go screw your husbands business partner for an eight ball and shut up ok?

And yes, I'm feeling a little pissy today; I HATE when someone jumps on me with a technical problem as soon as I get off the elevator first thing in the morning. Just let me get to my desk, put down my bag and get a cup of coffee. Is that really asking too much? 
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Posted by PunkAss at 8:55 AM

  Facts

Here are 10 Stupid things you never wanted to know about me (Why? Because I know you care):

1. At age 7 I had a pet Hampster named Lazarus who I thought had super powers.

2. Up until Jr. High, I was such a picky eater, my diet consisted of pretty much spaghetti O's, Manwiches and French Toast.

3. At age 5 I was so afraid of heights that when forced to go in a cable car up Cannon Mountain in New Hampshire, I dropped to the floor, grabbed my sisters ankles and screamed the whole way up.

4. I grew up in a haunted house.

5. As a kid I buried my G.I. Joe (the full sized one with awesome hair plugs mind you) under the floor boards in my Moms house because I wanted to see when I came back in a couple of month if there would be a plastic skeleton.

6. I've had sex in an ATM

7. I received a one week suspension from my first after school job for refusing to remove my Greek fisherman's hat and Dr. Who scarf.

8. I have seen the Rocky Horror Picutre Show 72 times, twice in drag.

9. I once got so drunk on Margaritas at a friends pool party that I ran off into his neighborhood stark naked, howled at the full moon and pulled up part of his neighbors sprinkler system.

10. My parents waited until I was 7 to have me circumcised 
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Posted by PunkAss at 9:36 AM

  Wake me up (before and/or after you go-go)

I had a dream last night that I needed to restore some data on my computer from tape backup (I'm a IT guy so cut me some slack OK?). When I did the restore, it not only restored the information on my computer, but reset my life to July 18, 2004. I was totally pissed and frustrated. All the work, everything I had done for the pas 2 years I had to redo. There are certainly times I wish I could rewind a hour or a day; but not 2 freekin years.

So this makes 5 solid nights of disturbing, emotionally draining dreams. I need a vacation from my dream life.... 
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Posted by PunkAss at 10:45 AM

  Monday

"I believe in humanity and its level in a person is more important that his or her belief or faith." 
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Posted by PunkAss at 12:08 PM

  I Want to Fly Like a .....Pelican

So this morning on the way to work, I saw a brand new shiny Elgin Pelican street sweeper on the back of a trailer being brought off to start it's new life somewhere. I have a special place in my heart for street sweepers. Seeing it brought me back to summers when I was a wee lad. When I was a kid, I just LOVED these beasts. I'd follow them around for hours (or as many blocks as I was allowed to go on my own). I'd chase them on foot (much like an excited dog) or on my trusty Big Wheel (much like an excited dog on a Big Wheel). Looking back I probably either annoyed the piss out of the drivers or gave them hives worrying that I was going to end up under the thing.

I remember one time when I was 5 or 6, I was peeing in the upstairs bathroom at my moms house when I heard the sound or whirring brushes coming up the street. I'm not sure if I even got my pants up before I went flying out the door and up the street after the thing.

Even today when I hear that sound, my ears perk up ,much like an excited dog with a high speed internet connection and a bottle of Tequila..... 
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Posted by PunkAss at 9:53 AM

  Hummpf

 
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Posted by PunkAss at 8:46 AM

  The Colour and the Shape

I need to know if this is just me. Why do beverages taste different depending on what type of glass they're in. For instance; Orange juice taste different in a short fat glass than if it's in a tall thin glass or coffee taste different in a round white mug than if it's in a clear oval mug. So why do the shape and the colour of the container make the beverage taste or feel different? The other possibility is that this is just because I'm a big freek - No news there. Any thoughts peoples? 
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Posted by PunkAss at 8:33 AM

  Today
I wish I could swim with the dolphins. They'd understand.... 
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Posted by PunkAss at 8:42 AM

  Monday
"Guilt, as experienced in Western culture, is connected with hopelessness and discouragement and is past-oriented. Genuine remorse, however, is a healthy state of mind - It is future oriented, and connected with hope, and causes us to act, to change." 
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Posted by PunkAss at 3:58 PM

  Medical Alert: Patient Zero
WARNING: If you are anywhere in the vicinity of Sunnyvale CA, stay clear of this woman!

Yes, the singer from my band, Heather Taskovics has become fucking patient zero...Well at least as far as the band is concerned.

The story goes something like this: Heather belongs to a fife and drum corps, the Middlesex County Volunteers. Two weeks ago she went on tour with them in Switzerland. So, she comes to practice a week ago sick as a chain smoking dog with emphysema that lives in a nuclear submarine; about which she says " Oh ya a couple of people in the Corp were sick and we all share water bottles so everyone pretty much came down with it." First off, YOU SHARE WATER BOTTLES?!! WTF? Not to mention EWWW!! And then, you have KNOWN infectees among you and you STILL drink from someone else's festering drool covered cesspool of a flask? Correct me if I'm wrong but this strikes me as NOT TO F'ING BRIGHT!

So anyway, Friday afternoon, I notice I have a little bit of a sore throat, no big deal, I figure it's just allergies. No such luck. By late that night, I know it's a cold. So Saturday morning I'm driving to Salisbury to meet my drummer Davie D and I get a call from him. He says "Man, last night I came down with this crazy head cold." I immediately think: OMG this is weird, Dave and I are rarely sick, especially in the Summer and now we BOTH get sick at exactly the same time? Then I thought back to Wednesdays practice and our virus ridden singer....DAMN! I knew I should have worn my heavy metal hazmat suit to practice!!

So last night at practice, my guitarist Steve shows up first. As soon as he walks through the door I say to him " You came down with a cold last Friday night didn't you?" He just looked at me completely stunned like I had just turned into Janet Jackson and said " How the HELL did you know that?!" BAH! She got him too! I KNEW IT!!!

Well folks, this week our little plague spreader is on her way to the Hell Mouth of Sunnyvale CA. Be warned, be safe, stay indoors. That concludes this public service announcement .......... 
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Posted by PunkAss at 8:54 AM

  The Shopping Gene
Yes, the shopping gene. I truly believe there is one. Just like some people have the language gene and easily pick up other languages, I have the shopping gene and love to shop, no strike that... NEED to shop. I know I got it from my mom. Not a day goes by that she isn't cruising through a Home Goods or a TJ Maxx. She throws a party every year to commemorate the day I hooked her up with high speed web access and EBay.

I remember the day clearly that the gene became active. I was about 11. I kept the money I had earned mowing lawns in the neighborhood in a tin can under my bed. Up until this point, I would wait until the end of the summer then bring it to the bank and squirrel it away in my savings account. But on this day, everthing changed; I looked at the money and though "hmm, I could go down to the store and by a few pacs of Star Wars cards with this". After that it was all over. I realized the power I held in my hands and it felt good.....Well almost. You see along with the shopping gene from my Mom, I also got the "depression era save everything never ever buy anything new obsessive compulsive gene" from my dad. The two genes fight constantly and the shopping gene always kicks the other ones ass. The result; I shop and feel guilty about it afterwards so I go shop to make my self feel better........... 
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Posted by PunkAss at 10:39 AM

  Anyone Miss Me?
I've been on a much needed vacation during which I vowed to do NOTHING. I wasn't going to fall into the usual vacation stress that I get; feeling like I had to make the best possible use of every moment. Nope, not this time. I just let the days take me wherever.

So here I am and here it is, your moment of Zen:


"It is said that if you want to know what you were doing in the past, look at your body now; if you want to know what will happen in the future, look at what you mind is doing now" 
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Posted by PunkAss at 10:38 AM