It makes me kinda sad

I'm on vacation this week so don't expect alot out of me. Not that you do normally; I'm just sayin'......

Anyway, In my travels, I went past the house I grew up in. My Mom sold it about 5 years back and I've missed being able to go there ever since. Some how, it just doesn't seem right, other people living there. When I drove by the other day, I saw that the new owners had torn half the second story off. The rest of the house looks like it's been gutted down to the studs. So gone now is the place where I decided to become a musician, the place where I wrote my first song, the place where I lost my virginity and the place where I suffered my first heartbreak.

But time goes on, change flows and sweeps us along. It's OK. It just makes me a little sad. 
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Posted by PunkAss at 12:01 PM

  Get With The Program

When I got home from work last night, I was greeted by a piece of white paper stuffed in the screen of my back door. I pulled it out figuring it was some political flyer or some such trash but alas no; it was a friendly notice from my local water department, two lines sloppily run over in yellow highliter informing me "Reading being estimated. YOUR WATER WILL BE TERMINATED IF WE CAN NOT GET INTO READ THE METER WITHIN 7 DAYS. Call for meter reading appointment. 978.794.5770."

These freeking pin heads come to the house between 9 and 5 on a week day and they expect that someone is actually going to be home to let them in to read their precious meter? WTF? These bozos are truly the troglodytes of the utilities world. I mean come on, the electric company is smart enough to have their meter on the OUTSIDE of the house so the can access it whenever they want. SMART! The gas company's meter has the ability to be accessed through the phone line so the can get a reading whenever they want. BRILLIANT! But the fucking Neanderthals at the water company are still stuck in the 50's expecting the "little lady" is going to be home baking bundt cake in her polka dot house dress and apron, so they don't need any of that modern nonsense, fuck no!

Losers........


Oh BTW, new PunkAss Poll is up, make yourself useful and go vote...... 
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Posted by PunkAss at 9:05 AM

  Don't Fear the Butt

Why are we in America so afraid of adult butts but not baby butts? Like every time there's a news story about cops chasing some drunken naked criminal, they have to make his naked butt all blocky? Yet somehow it's fine to show a bunch of naked baby butts in a diaper ad? This just seems backwards and twisted to me. I mean if someone is running around all naked and shit in public, they obviously want to show off their butts, so let us see that if we want to; it's obviously ok with them, right?
Baby butts - I really don't need that shoved in my face while I'm trying to watch an episode of Rockstar Supernova; it just totally harshes my buzz ya know?

So if they're blocking out adult butts because they think people may some how find them offensive, how are baby butts any different? Still human butts just smaller right? Fucking double standards man! 
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Posted by PunkAss at 9:18 AM

  NO
One is the loneliest number? Bullshit! Zero, Zero is the loneliest..... 
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Posted by PunkAss at 4:07 PM

  My New Job

There's something that I've been searching for since I was little and I think I've finally found it. That something is the answer to the question,"What do you want to be when you grow up?". It's not what I expected either.

Think back, If you've ever asked yourself this question, have you noticed how the answer (or options) has changed over time? At 5 I wanted to be a garbage man ( If you're gonna dream, dream big right?) At 10 I wanted to be a commando (and no I don't mean just some guy running around with pants and no underwear). At 20 I wanted to be a rock star, life took an Acme(tm) anvil to the Wiley Coyote of that dream.

So here's what I've decided now. I want to be a tour guide for time travelers. Yup you heard that right. Think about it. If time travel is ever going to be possible, it's already being done; because our present is someone else's past. I'm sure once the technology get's perfected, businesses will spring up around it..like time tourism! Wouldn't it be a cool vacation to be able to go visit your favourite historical period and get a tour from someone who actually lives there and get their perspective on things? So I want to be the representative from this era. I can give tourists the low down on all the pop culture icons of our time, let them know that the fall of western civilization was the fault of country music and NASCAR and that yes I was infact the man who lobbied for a national day of mourning for the break up of Lance Armstrong and Sheryl Crow.

This is gonna be soooo much fun!

"My my my it's a beautiful world, I like swimmin' in the sea...." 
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Posted by PunkAss at 9:53 AM

  First you say it, then you do it....

So, I was cruising down I-90 on my way into work this morning (Oh BTW, it's I-90, not "THE" I-90) and suddenly up ahead I see break lights, and cars swerving as if to avoid something in the road. When I made it up to that spot, sure enough, huge freekin pieces of truck tire all over the road.
The next thing I see is a cement mixer pulled off into the breakdown lane, sans one of it's rear tires and listing like a drunken water buffalo.

Next, about 100 feet ahead of said truck, I see a Honda Accord pulled over. As I pass it, I see that the whole drivers side of the wind shield is smashed. Using my fiendishly clever powers of deduction, I reason that this poor sucker must have been right behind the truck when it went critical. Then I see the driver of the Honda standing a few feet in front of his car on his cell phone pacing back and forth. As he turns his back to me, continuing to yammer away and wave his free arm, that's when I see the worst part of this whole tragic story: The poor bastard has actually and quite literally shit himself. And just to make it all the more obvious, had the misfortune of choosing to wear light coloured Dockers today.

How much fear I ask you, does it take to get one to lose control of ones own ass?

Man and I thought my day started off bad by stepping in a pool of cold kitty puke on my way to the shower this morning. I got jack compared to that guy..... 
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Posted by PunkAss at 9:49 AM

  Monday
"Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Hoist the main sail, here I come
Ain't no room on board
For the insincere,
You're my witness, I'm your mutineer."  
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Posted by PunkAss at 10:45 AM

  Breakfast of...

God I feel like my brain is wrapped in a large, extra fluffy pancake today, much like "pigs in a blanket". Though I guess that analogy would work better if....ummm...Something ......Else of mine was wrapped...... OK ..Forget that...Not going there.

Anyway.. CAN'T THINKCAN'T THINKCAN'T THINKCAN'T THINKCAN'T THINKCAN'T THINK CAN'T THINK CAN'T THINK CAN'T THINK CAN'T THINK CAN'T THINK CAN'T THINK CAN'T THINK CAN'T THINK CAN'T THINK CAN'T THINK CAN'T THINK CAN'T THINK

I even downed two red eyes this morning..No change..


Anyone got any syrup? 
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Posted by PunkAss at 12:21 PM

  Today

Hmmmm....should I post today? Naw......I got nothin'.......... 
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Posted by PunkAss at 11:42 AM

  Sad, So Sad

So, I just picked up a prescription at CVS pharmacy and after handing me my bag of pills, the clerk/phama-wannabee behind the counter says to me " The pharmacist is here to console you about you prescription, would you like to be consoled?"

WHAT? Ummm.....HUH? Did my pills die in shipment and are no longer with us? Am I to spend the rest of my days lamenting the loss of my dear departed prescription? "My sweet little pills, I loved them so >sniff sniff<"

Or am I to be consoled because I have to take the perscription? Hmmmm..May that's it. Maybe it me that's sad. "I'm so, so very sorry Mr. Bachmann that you must take these pills, it's really a tragedy. Here's a fruit basket and a nice card, I hope they make you feel better" Or " You are so pathetic that you have to take pills, you sad, sad little man. "

I think he meant to say "consult you about your perscription". Then again maybe not. I'm tired...... 
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Posted by PunkAss at 6:27 PM

  Imaginary Emanations
Have you ever seen a picture of someone or seen someone on TV who by all rights anyone would say "Boy they're pretty hot" and think to yourself "Boy, I bet they don't smell so fresh" or" I bet the are prone to really bad breath"? Or once again, is this just me? 
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Posted by PunkAss at 10:52 AM

  Here we go again
Why oh why would I dream about being harrased by Randolph Mantooth, who was a pool shark on a casino/spaceship run by my psyco ex-bosses wife who had me out shopping for ficus with no money? 
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Posted by PunkAss at 11:56 AM